(This is a post that’s been banging around in my head for some time. Tony’s well-titled post about his distaste for Quechup abusing access he gave to his online address book, served as inspiration to sit down and compose. As for Tony’s warning, I did not respond to the Quechup invitation, primarily because I am put off when I receive an email from a website I did not give my address for the reasons I will state below.)

I feel that websites hurt us all by training people to provide friends’ email addresses to third parties (e.g. websites). I consider the “email this to a friend” forms on websites the online equivalent of a stranger on the street asking me for a friend’s email address. Sure, the site will email the article to the friend, but I have no idea what will be done with my friend’s email address after that. Options include: nothing, send spam, sell it to a spammer, store it on a server to be hacked into at some point in the future, etc.

Even more dangerous are the “friend finder” tools offered by social web services (e.g. Facebook) that have people provide their authentication credentials for online address books and that identify their friends by email address. By allowing authentication through third-party servers, the major social mapping services (AOL, Google, MSN, Yahoo!) facilitate third-party access to not only contacts’ email addresses, but also members’ authentication credentials (anyone who logged into Quechup: you may want to change your Gmail password).

In consideration of spam’s tremendous drain on productivity, I wish websites were designed to encourage better habits – social norms less prone to abuse by potential spammers. What’s so difficult about providing visitors with a link they can share with others through their own email client, authenticated channels (IM and other social networking tools), or their own website? Word-of-mouth will always be the most effective marketing. Not only because of the credibility lent by the mouth’s reputation, but also because sales often takes repeated pitches. I may wait to try a service until I’ve heard about several friends using it. After spamming invitees, sites like Friendster now provide the invitee the option of instructing the service to never email them again. Well, if invitees select that option upon the first invite, there goes a shot at repeated sales pitches!

Responding to my rhetorical question above, I realize that many people are not familiar with the technical details on how the internet works – including seemingly basic tasks like copy and pasting links into emails. I also understand the demand to recognize people you know using the same services as you. Unfortunately, the common solution to this second problem often includes handing over the contact information for everyone the person knows. I want to identify people I know using the service, but I don’t want to give websites access to the contact information of everyone I know. Fortunately, the social graph is portable and smart services allow their members to take their social mappings with them without exposing their authentication credentials or others’ contact information.

I do not think an open social graph is the answer – I will only map my social network when I can retain access control to the social mappings.

I admire user experience designers that take a broader view of the choices they make: thinking not just about the experience of using the product or service itself, but also how the offering fits into people’s lives and will affect society. Design in a way that enforces habits consistent with the social contract of respecting privacy and discourages habits leaving people susceptible to unintentionally jeopardizing the privacy of others for whom they care.

p.s. I’ve heard an argument that by forwarding an email address to Gmail, you may be violating a social contract not to share their personal conversations with The Google. (Again the whole “fear The Google” thing.)